A letter to Arpana about School

Dear Sweetheart,

I found yet another reason to admire you, just like how I admire you 1000 times a day. You look so smart in your school uniform. I have been away from you many times before, but this time, it seems very different. It’s hard to be away, out of MY control zone, where checking on what you are doing is not just a phone call away. I’ll miss you baby. 

You wouldn’t understand one word of what I am saying to you, but one day when you read this. I hope you do. 

We searched a lot, talked a lot, and prayed to find a good school for you. Finally, we found something (maybe not the best) but something we hope would be good start for you. Just like you, we are clueless sweetheart, we are just taking one small step of faith, trusting God will show us the way ahead. 

We did think a lot about academics, and other blahs associated with school education. However, deep inside we know, school gives you more than an academic curriculum. 

There will be nights when I am asking you to close your book and go to bed, and there will be days, when I am scolding you for not waking up early to revise your lessons. You will find moments when I embarrass you by announcing your flying colours to my friends, and there will also be days, when I will have a worried discussion that you are not scoring enough.

You will find friends, great friends, bad friends, and backstabbers. You will learn to give up, give in and stay strong. You will find a teacher who will change your life, and a teacher who will make you run for your life. You will find opportunities that bring the best out of you, and others that show the world how awful you can be. 

As articulate as you alread are, I can imagine the endless arguments we would have about so many issues. I can foresee doors banged on me, tear-filled eyes screaming, ‘I hate you!’. However, I can also see nights, when you are sleeping right next to me, I’m stroking your head, you are hugging me tight, and crying your heart, relieving yourself from fear, pain or rejection. 

You will learn to question your faith; and you will learn to doubt. You will also learn to believe in miracles, find answers about life. You will learn the art of persuasion and the art of deception, and in the end you will also figure out that truth prevails. 

One day you will find the one thing of the many things that will make your eyes sparkle, your heart race and your energy soar. You will find the things that you excel.  However, you will find it hard to make others (including us) believe in you. That’s one of the times, you will learn to talk to God in a more meaningful way. 

I will push you to work hard, score high, and challenge yourself. I may sometimes compare you with a friend. But remember sweety, I will always celebrate you. I will applaud at your achievements, and I may cry with you, when you fail, but no matter what you do or don’t, I won’t judge you. Your value is not assessed by your progress card, or your percentage. You are not a horse that I’m gambling my investments and waiting for returns. You are here to live your life, and God’s dreams, not mine or the world’s demands. 

You are a precious life, conceived in God’s mind, before you could find place in my womb. I want to see you as a confident woman, who loves the Lord, can see the world through His eyes, and can do the best at whatever you are called to do. I hope that your life and its message will be an influence on those around you. This is the big picture and I sincerely pray that you don’t lose sight of it in all this academic drama. 

The education system is a joke, but you need to survive it, and use it to fulfill your agenda. Not the other way round. Sometimes, academics helps, but the most important thing is the lessons you learn out of the journey called school-life. So that, you are prepared to face life- which is the greatest exam of all.  May you fare well in that!

Love,

Amma

The Special mother

Recently we took Arpana for a stroll to a mall. Dawson is totally against going to malls and exposing Arpana to the 'temples of materialism'. But I don't really think that an occasional window shopping does any harm. I love to look at people, watch body language, and also reminisce some childhood nostalgia.

This mall had a spectacular display of a dinosaurs. Dinosaurs moving their heads, making loud noises and swishing their gigantic tails. Since we parked the car on a higher level, (and Dawson was in no mood to go to the ground floor), we decided to show Arpana the dinosaurs from the cafeteria in the upper floor. Arpana has never seen such a sight, so she was totally 'waawed' before her brain would process and ask us a long set of questions. 

Just then, I saw a lady of around 60-65 years of age, pushing a wheelchair which carried a young man (30-35 years of age) with severe cerebral palsy. She was weak and lanky herself, but her hands and arms looked strong and well-built, ,maybe from all these years of serving her son. 

She pushed the chairs and the table, brought the wheelchair close to the railings and showed her son, "Papu anga paaru, dinosaur" (Papu, see there is a dinosaur). The young man twitched his head and smiled intensely. He kept looking, he could not ask questions, he just looked again and smiled.

His faithful mother kept talking to him, describing the dinosaur. Every time his mother spoke and showed him the dinosaur, he smiled. And every time he smiled, his mother's face glowed. 

Meanwhile, Arpana got back to reality, and started asking questions. But I was just too engrossed in listening to this great mother's conversation with her son. 

I began to wonder, all my efforts as a parent to bring joy to my child, all my pain to do her daily chores, and all my strain to teach and train her, seemed so tiny in comparison to this great mother's zeal to bring joy to her son. 

I began to question my motives, am I really THAT selfless when I try to make my child happy, is my ONLY intention, just to see a simple smile on my baby's face? Do I really have the heart to be THAT persevering as a parent even when I don't see proportional rewards ?

Sometimes I think that special children are indeed special because they have extra-ordinary parents.

I'm always pushing Arpana to behave,eat, learn, or do something. I once asked her, "What do you think is amma's job?" And she said, "To scold me and beat me when I do wrong", then I asked her, "Okay! so, instead of me, do you want another "kind" amma who won't beat you" . She hugged me and said, "Illa ma, vera amma varavae koodadhu, vandha pichiiduven" (I don't want another mother, if  she does come I'll will beat her up) knowing well, that she'll be reprimanded for using that phrase! 

After seeing this great mother in the mall, I pray,

"God give me that kind of heart, to persevere, to reach out not just to 'push' her to become something , but to strive to bring joy to her heart from the simple things in life."

6 Things my father taught me

Anyone who knows my father will agree that he is a man of integrity, versatile experience and outright speech.

When I was younger, I used to envy those who had 'friendly','affirmative' fathers, because my father is a tough nut to crack. There was always an invisible line between us.

I used to wonder, why can't daddy talk 'fun-stuff' like 'other dads'? But daddy is special, and his parenting is intentional. He never cares about what others do, whether we 'feel' good, and what we think about him. His goal has always been to be an above-average father.

Dad taught me to read, write, reason, think. If I can do half of what my father has taught me, I'll live to life's fullest potential.

Married for almost 4 years now, and with a little daughter of my own. My life reflects the lessons daddy taught me.After coming out from the safe cocoon of my family, I realize that the world outside is a very different place, had daddy not taught me these life basics, I could never survive.

I'm sharing some of Dad's quotable quotes!

Give me 5 reasons

As early as 5 or 6 years, we had to give daddy 5 reasons before making any decision. If we can't, then we haven't thought about it seriously enough.

This habit is ingrained in my mind, and has made me a less impulsive person. 

Be humble but assertive

Daddy taught us not to confuse humility and assertiveness. He would sometimes give us a 500 value note and ask to get change from a shop without purchasing anything.

He used to say, "When you learn to be assertive, you double check that you do everything right. Otherwise, saying sorry will become your habit."

In the search of excellence there is NO finish line!

Daddy taught us dignity of labor, no job is cheap. What mattered is to be the BEST in whatever we do. Daddy would never hesitate to insult half-hearted, incomplete, unprepared, poor quality work. Whether we had to open a parcel, make a cup of coffee, write an article, or explain a concept, we had to do it to the best of our abilities. His favorite tag line, Imitate, Improvise, Let others imitate you

The Strength of a man is the knowledge of his weakness.

Daddy is not the "GOOD JOB! KEEP IT UP" father. To those he loved, he would always critique, and mention the weakness. Because he believed that the strength of a man is the knowledge of his weakness. 

It's okay to lose battles, if you must win the WAR

I have failed miserably many times. I still fail. When my head is hung low in shame, my otherwise tough father is the BEST motivator. Talking with him for a few minutes gives me all the energy that I need to get back on track. He'd always tell me, "it's okay to lose battles, you must win the WAR, you must win in LIFE".

Never ever speak about something you are not sure about. 

I have NEVER heard my father gossip. He talks straight on face, or remains entirely silent.

He has taught me, "If you know something that somebody has shared with you because he trusts you, and time later, he becomes your worst enemy. NEVER use that information against him.

I learned integrity from him. 

Live within means.

Daddy would never buy anything on credit, he taught us the importance of saving money. Though, I have enjoyed the best of luxury, but sometimes we were refused toys and games that was a must-have in all our friends' houses.

Where we lived it was common to throw birthday parties in a restaurant, but we never had one, it always used to be a family affair with home-cooked food or a silent buffet dinner.  Daddy would often explain the value of money against the things bought for.

Today, I appreciate the beauty of living simple. Thanks to my father, it's easy to live with a husband who thinks on the same lines.

The Bible says, "Listen, my sons, to a father's instruction; pay attention and gain understanding.[Proverbs 4:1]


If we need to impart instruction that will add value to the life of our children, we need to live exemplary lives ourselves.


The life and teaching of my father led me to respect and value divine Fatherhood itself. 

Above all, I'm grateful to my dad, for leading me to the Lord, and encouraging my spiritual growth and ministry.


Happy Father's day to my Daddy and another budding father Jesudawson Charles. 

Caroline

Choosing a PlaySchool

My little one would start school next year(2017). But I have already started talking to other parents, and educators and doing my homework. I used to laugh at folks who worried so much about the future. But I guess when it comes to my own child, looks like I have joined the bandwagon too.

Choosing a play-school was relatively easier,

I visited several centres, toured the place, quizzed them on their daily routine, talked to the teachers and principal while making mental notes. Finally, I asked them how much they charged. We visited premium brands of play schools, mid-priced ones and also play-schools that functioned in a two bedroom house.

After a lot of thought, we put her in UMAH's Creaches in Villivakam. It is a small play school run by a single teacher comprising of 6-8 kids.

My reasons:

• The teacher was no-nonsense and honest. 
• She had good conversational skills, and lots of common-sense. 
• She had an overall idea, and experience in early child-hood education. 
• Small teacher student ratio.
• It fit our budget. It costs 900 INR a month, for around 3-4 hours.  

They don't follow a structured curriculum, they do a little bit of Montessori, play, watching rhymes, classical music, general knowledge, and some fine motor skill development activities. They are also not very strict about pick-up time, so we don't have to rush to pick her up when we are in the middle of something busy.

After going here, Arpana has picked up the names of many vegetables, fruits, countries, days of week, months, animals, insects, shapes, colors and so much more. They have helped put lots of words in her memory. But what I consider significant learning is,

• Submitting to authority.
• Riddance of Separation anxiety.
• To share toys, wait in a queue.
• A school going routine 
• A better attention span

Playtime

Putting Arpana in a play-school was a real eye-opener for me, I realized her capacity to memorize. So I was challenged to make her memorize several Scripture verses.

I make up funny tunes and dance with her while teaching Scripture. We splash water in the bathroom and learn verses together. I tickle her to teach her a new verse. We pray for different things, sometimes she ends up saying, "Jesus, Jonah Thatha va kaapathinga (Please save Jonah* from the fish's stomach)". While narrating Joseph's story, she ends up saying, "Amma, Joseph anna paavum la, avarikaaga jebam pannalama.." (Poor Joseph*, let us pray for him).

Also, frequent feedback from her teacher, helped me understand more about her skills and her personality.

There is so much of focus these days on early-learning programmes, all parents want the best for their kids. To confirm this, I even found this best pre-school survey list,  There is so much of an emphasis on this that folks are talking about this in a national level in the US.



"In his State of the Union address, President Obama called on Congress to expand access to high-quality preschool to every child in America.  As part of that effort, the President will propose a series of new investments that will establish a continuum of high-quality early learning for a child – beginning at birth and continuing to age 5.  By doing so, the President would invest critical resources where we know the return on our dollar is the highest: in our youngest children." (February 2013)

Despite all the pressure to grab the right playschool, we gave our little daughter, the best that we could afford. But the harder task lies with us. She learns more from what she sees and experiences in our interactions with her. So, we are trying to work consistently to show her the right models for everything.

The central responsibility of Christian parenting is train our children in God's Word, "These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children.Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up."**

Repetition is the key to impressing things in children's hearts, but mere repetition is like brain washing. The aim of Christian parenting is not to raise up a brain-washed, verse chanting robot. But, a child who knows to experience God in a personal way. That is why it is so important to talk about God's Word at home, Talk, does not spell, P-R-E-A-C-H.

Her father does a great job at this, some of their 'theology-filled' conversations include

1) Arpana, un heart fulla yaaru irika? (Who fills your heart?)
- Jesus thaan (Only Jesus)

2) Un mind fulla yaaru irika? (Who fills your mind?)
- Jesus thaan (Only Jesus)

3) When she does a mistake... Jesus romba sad aa aayitaaru (You make Jesus sad)

4) No matter, what mood she wakes up in the morning, on the way to play school, When they ride on the bike together.. they loudly sing. "This is the day that the Lord has made, we will rejoice and be glad in it.."

5) And , then there is creation lessons when they see the moon, stars or go to the beach.

And so much more too.

We are proud parents when she shows off her vocabulary and sharpness, but our greatest role is to nurture her to love and meet with her Creator God.

Caroline

* Bible stories
** Deuteronomy 6:7

Why another blog ?

Now, my life, though is still bursting with flavor, I have to admit, that I am no longer what I used to be. My routine priorities, world-views, and personal biases have changed.. :)

The themes in my mind are so different these days..it ranges from (in no particular order), cooking, cleaning, parenting, innovative learning, politics, marriage, writing, Christian life, psychology, Christian education, spiritual warfare, productivity tools, women entrepreneurs, Medicine, Indian history, Church life and so much more.

I have for long battled with the idea of a personal blog.  And, now that I spend most of time as a church worker, I was wondering if personal blogging is just my way to combat my self-promotion deprivation. But I hope not so, I just want to use this as a platform to share stories from my life with no specific intention. 

My primary work revolves around the house and nurturing my 2 year old daughter. I also help at Philadelphia Fellowship Church, Villivakkam, where my husband serves as associate pastor. I love to read, write, think and teach.

My chief calling is to be a mature disciple of Jesus Christ and a suitable helper to my husband.

Caroline Cynthia