The legacy of my grandparents

Joel 1:2-3 (NLT)

Tell your children about it in the years to come, and let your children tell their children. Pass the story down from generation to generation.

I never got a chance to see my paternal grandfather Gnana sundaram thatha. But I have heard so much about his great life. He was a devout Christian, a registered medical practioner, a teacher, church-musician and a voracious reader. He served the people in his village by providing free medical service, education and lots of love and care. He died early, but left back indelible memories of exemplary living. When we were younger, we used to visit my father’s village often. The friends and family there always had wonderful stories of the impactful life that he lived.

My paternal grandfather Gnana Sundaram thatha, my father on his grandmother's lap.

However, I was blessed to see, cherish, live and observe closely the life of my maternal grandfather VG Williams thatha. If there’s one person I know who doesn’t have one mean bone in his body – it is him. 

He was a very influential man, holding powerful titles throughout his life. He even met with the then President of the United States Ronald Raegan to discuss affairs of the poor in India. He could stop by and chat with the then chief ministers of Tamil Nadu (I have seen pictures of all). He had the capacity to amass huge wealth and fame. But he gave it all and shared it all. 

When he was working, he adopted many poor children and made his home their home and gave them the gift of family. After he retired, he used all the money that he had to serve the poor and underprivileged. He started a small school for the poor. When he died, all that he had was a basic 600 sqft house, he didn’t even own an air-conditioner. 

Sometimes, I think that my grandparents should have been better financial planners, and invested their money to ensure a fortune for the future. But then they left behind something that all the money in the world can never buy – an imperishable spiritual legacy.

I remember seeing my thatha pray every morning at 5 am, knees bent on the floor until 3 months before his death. He died when he was 98. I have seen him write the names of friends, family and strangers for every date in a daily bread book. After finishing his morning devotion, he would give them a ring, pray for them on the phone and wish them well. He wasn’t church leader or anything, just a lover of Jesus. 

He prayed so much for me, I would never go to school without his prayer, and a cross marked on my forehead with his frail hands. I don’t know what he’s doing in heaven now, but I wish that God gives him a chance to look down at me, my husband and my little Arpana. 

I have this photo on my wardrobe door. I stare at it every day and thank God for the life of my grand-parents and the godly heritage that I enjoy.

Me and my thatha VG williams praying before going to school yr -1990

And now, I see this scene everyday morning, and I know that one day Arpana will thank God for her godly heritage.

Arpana and her thatha Amos Thatha praying before going to school yr-2016

We are all so worked up to give the best of education and exposure to our kids, but what about their spiritual inheritance? Are we doing enough? How many hours of school-education, tuitions, coaching, extra-curricular? How many hours of talking to our children, praying with them, praying for them, and influencing them to live as children of God?  

I hope that I will one day leave a legacy for my own.

My dark-skinned daughter

I was busy doing something, Arpana was as usual talking with her imaginary friends and walking around, suddenly, she looks at the mirror and asks me, 

“Amma, nan yen black a irrikuaen?”  (Why am I  black in color?”)

I was taken aback by the question, I did expect it at some point, but this came too fast.

I kept doing what I was doing, and told her, (in a matter-of-fact tone) “Because God made you that way”.

Replies, “Appo, yen Rosy* white aa iruka” (Why is Rosy white in color?”)

My heart was racing, and my mind was trying to figure out the next probable list of questions, and I told her “Because God made her that way.”

“Amma, Jesus kitta solraen, yennaku indha color pudikala, white color thaan pudichiriku” (I’m going to tell Jesus, that I don’t like this color, I like only white color)

I fell in love with the innocence, and I wanted to hug her and tell her that I love her so much. However, I thought that I if I did that, she would start taking this seriously. So, stern faced I told her, “Arpana, you are asking for a very wrong thing. Jesus won’t be happy if you ask Him to change your color.”

I didn’t want to face more questions, so I continued doing my stuff, praying in my heart that she’ll move to another conversation. 

She came back again, this time, “Amma, yen back yenna color a irriku?” (What color is my back?”)

Now I had no choice, it was time to talk to her. 

Pictures of my own childhood played before me. I studied in a school with many fair-skinned north Indian friends.

I was jealous of their shiny skin, and flawless complexion. I would never leave the house without a coat of fair-and-lovely, powder and lip gloss. When I was younger, some teacher would score my name off a dance programme or a drama, and I would think that it was because I was not ‘white’ in colour. I longed to be that girl who would invite the ‘important’ chief-guest with a bouquet, but somehow it was usually the most beautiful looking girl, which was quite obviously not me. 

I wasn’t that ‘very fair, eyes are blue, teacher’s pet, lovely too’ kind of kid. But, I longed to be. And when my baby sister was born, man, she was so so ‘white’ in colour. I was so proud of her. I would sneak out her photographs to school and show off to my friends and teachers, “See, that’s my ‘white-in-color’ sister.” And they would say, “Is she your own sister?” I would proudly reply, “Yes, my very own!!” Somehow, when I did that, I felt that my revenge was taken. 

It was a lonely road, never told my parents about it. Even, if I did, I knew that they would just ask me to ignore the feelings and move on. When I came to Chennai, it was a relief to see many skin tones like mine. Slowly, I realised that I wasn’t so ‘black’ after all.

Coming back to Arpana’s question. I began thinking of some nonsense answers to stop the conversation.

•   Black is the most beautiful color, white is a yucky color. 
• People with black color have white hearts.

Then, I realised that I need to talk sense with her and drive home a meaningful point. 

I told her, “See Arpana, when you were in my tummy, you were like a small dot, every day Jesus worked so hard to give you eyes, nose, face, brain and every part of your body. Amma, didn’t do anything. I didn’t know what was happening, but slowly Jesus was making your body. Everything in your body is something that Jesus made, and he made it perfect, He won’t make a mistake. He thought that you will look most beautiful in black, so He gave you that color. White is the best color for Rosy so he gave her that color.”  

She listened intently, so I began to ask her,

“Okay, what color is Appa?”

With a smile on her face, “Romba black” (Very black)

“Do you think Appa is beautiful?”

She nods her head.

“Do you  love appa?”

Appa na romba love panren (I love Appa very much)

“Does amma love appa, do other people in the church love appa?”

She nods her head.

“See Arpana, Appa looks very beautiful, so many people love Appa so much because he is so kind, and sharing and has Jesus in your heart. NO matter, what color Arpana, you are very beautiful and everyone will love you if you have Jesus in your heart.”

Looks like she was convinced, and she skipped away to play with her toys. 

Maybe this conversation was over for now, but I know that this is a journey where she will drift away for a while, and then come back to reality. Despite my opinions, reservations and rationale, I hope to stand by her side as she tries several lotions, magical potions, herbal masks, and all other funny commercials she sees on tv. Because if I don’t, somebody else will, and will take her too far

.

While she is working hard to look beautiful on the outside, I know that God will carve experiences and lessons that will make her look beautiful from within. My job is to keep keep celebrating her, loving her, investing on her, and creating opportunities for her to become stronger, wiser and sweeter.

One day, without my preaching, life will teach her, and she will say, “Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” And I hope to hear, when she’s all grown up, she’ll say confidently, “I’m not ‘wheatish’, I’m dark-skinned! And I love the way I am.” 

Like Amy Charmichael, who stopped asking for blue eyes, when she discovered God’s purpose for her life. I know that when my daughter finds out what God has in store for her life, she will have little time to think about her colour. 

Until then, I’m praying not for white colour but clear thinking.

[I’m not trying any herbal whitening masks or saffron pastes on her!! Just plain soap, turmeric and clean water.]

Cynthia

A letter to Arpana about School

Dear Sweetheart,

I found yet another reason to admire you, just like how I admire you 1000 times a day. You look so smart in your school uniform. I have been away from you many times before, but this time, it seems very different. It’s hard to be away, out of MY control zone, where checking on what you are doing is not just a phone call away. I’ll miss you baby. 

You wouldn’t understand one word of what I am saying to you, but one day when you read this. I hope you do. 

We searched a lot, talked a lot, and prayed to find a good school for you. Finally, we found something (maybe not the best) but something we hope would be good start for you. Just like you, we are clueless sweetheart, we are just taking one small step of faith, trusting God will show us the way ahead. 

We did think a lot about academics, and other blahs associated with school education. However, deep inside we know, school gives you more than an academic curriculum. 

There will be nights when I am asking you to close your book and go to bed, and there will be days, when I am scolding you for not waking up early to revise your lessons. You will find moments when I embarrass you by announcing your flying colours to my friends, and there will also be days, when I will have a worried discussion that you are not scoring enough.

You will find friends, great friends, bad friends, and backstabbers. You will learn to give up, give in and stay strong. You will find a teacher who will change your life, and a teacher who will make you run for your life. You will find opportunities that bring the best out of you, and others that show the world how awful you can be. 

As articulate as you alread are, I can imagine the endless arguments we would have about so many issues. I can foresee doors banged on me, tear-filled eyes screaming, ‘I hate you!’. However, I can also see nights, when you are sleeping right next to me, I’m stroking your head, you are hugging me tight, and crying your heart, relieving yourself from fear, pain or rejection. 

You will learn to question your faith; and you will learn to doubt. You will also learn to believe in miracles, find answers about life. You will learn the art of persuasion and the art of deception, and in the end you will also figure out that truth prevails. 

One day you will find the one thing of the many things that will make your eyes sparkle, your heart race and your energy soar. You will find the things that you excel.  However, you will find it hard to make others (including us) believe in you. That’s one of the times, you will learn to talk to God in a more meaningful way. 

I will push you to work hard, score high, and challenge yourself. I may sometimes compare you with a friend. But remember sweety, I will always celebrate you. I will applaud at your achievements, and I may cry with you, when you fail, but no matter what you do or don’t, I won’t judge you. Your value is not assessed by your progress card, or your percentage. You are not a horse that I’m gambling my investments and waiting for returns. You are here to live your life, and God’s dreams, not mine or the world’s demands. 

You are a precious life, conceived in God’s mind, before you could find place in my womb. I want to see you as a confident woman, who loves the Lord, can see the world through His eyes, and can do the best at whatever you are called to do. I hope that your life and its message will be an influence on those around you. This is the big picture and I sincerely pray that you don’t lose sight of it in all this academic drama. 

The education system is a joke, but you need to survive it, and use it to fulfill your agenda. Not the other way round. Sometimes, academics helps, but the most important thing is the lessons you learn out of the journey called school-life. So that, you are prepared to face life- which is the greatest exam of all.  May you fare well in that!

Love,

Amma