Why do I have to choose a side ?

Why do I always have to be either right or left?

Why does the world demand that my compassion comes with a political label?

It feels like we’re constantly forced into tribes. If you mourn someone on “this side,” you’re expected to ignore the pain on “that side.” If you speak up about one injustice, people assume you’ve chosen a camp, and they immediately test you to see if you belong.

But my heart doesn’t work like that.

When I look at Jesus, I see someone who simply refused to be boxed in by sides. He wept over Jerusalem, even though He knew that same city would turn against Him.

He reached out and healed the servant of a Roman soldier, a man who belonged to the empire oppressing His people.

And when He wanted to teach what love looks like, He didn’t choose a safe example — He chose a Samaritan, someone His listeners would have written off as an enemy.

It is easier to shrink my compassion down to fit my tribe. It’s easier to defend what my “side” does and stay quiet about the wrongs that make my group uncomfortable. But that’s not faithfulness. That’s tribal loyalty.

I can weep for every image-bearer of God whose life is cut short by hatred, violence, or pride.

Jesus didn’t ask me to be left or right. He asked me to be faithful. To stand against evil wherever it rises. To mourn with all who mourn. To keep my heart soft in a world that wants to harden it.

So no, I don’t want to choose a side. I want to choose compassion.

Because in the end, that’s the only way I know to follow Him.

Why should Preachers care about Cognitive Biases? - Part 2

God made our brains with great wisdom 🧠. They are carefully designed to help us live and make decisions. One way this design shows is through shortcuts in thinking. This is called heuristics.

These shortcuts let us act quickly ⚡ without stopping to think through every single detail.

In the right situation, these shortcuts are a gift ✅. Long ago they helped people decide fast — whether to run from danger, trust a friend, or follow a leader. But when these same shortcuts get used in the wrong place, they turn into biases ⚠️. That’s when our brain starts making mistakes.

Take confirmation bias for example. This comes from the shortcut “trust the people and ideas you already know.” In the past, it kept tribes close and safe. But today it can make us only listen to what we already agree with, even if it isn’t true.

That’s why people sometimes keep following false preachers — not because the message is true, but because it feels familiar and fits what they already want to hear.

Our brains are not faulty — they are simply using good patterns in the wrong way.

And this is where the preacher of truth has a real challenge: to do two things at once.

First, to break through the biases that keep people from hearing👂.

And second, to understand those same patterns, so the truth can be spoken in a way people can grasp ✨.

1. Speak Through Story: The Parable Technique

Jesus used parables as cognitive bypasses 📖 - they slipped past people's mental defenses because they seemed like simple stories. The brilliance was in their delayed revelation . Many of His parables were specifically about the Kingdom of Heaven👑 because the people’s minds were biased toward expecting a political Messiah who would overthrow Rome. Through stories, Jesus gently shifted their imagination from political freedom to God’s larger plan for the redemption of mankind.

People would nod along with a story about a farmer or a wedding, only to realize later that Jesus was talking about them.

The Parable of the Good Samaritan demonstrates this technique:

  * The audience expected the hero to be the priest or Levite (their religious leaders)

  * Jesus made the despised Samaritan the hero

  * By the time they realized the point, they were already emotionally invested in the "wrong" character

  * The question "Which was a neighbor?" forced them to voice what they'd unconsciously accepted

The Parable of the Workers in the Vineyard challenged their merit-based thinking:

  * Started with a familiar employment scenario

  * Gradually revealed God's grace operates differently than human fairness

  * By story's end, they're questioning their assumptions about who "deserves" God's blessing

Take this modern parable:

A couple went out to dinner for their anniversary 🍽️. The husband was very polite to the waitress: “Thank you so much for the nice seat!” He was patient when the service was slow: “No worries at all!” He was understanding when his order came out wrong: “These things happen!”

But when his wife mentioned she’d had a hard day with the kids, he checked his phone 📱. When she tried to share something that excited her, he looked around the restaurant. When she suggested they should do this more often, he said, “If we could afford it” — even though he had just left a generous tip for the stranger serving their food 💵.

The waitress walked away thinking, “What a kind man.” His wife drove home thinking, “He’s nicer to people he’ll never see again than he is to me.”

The story makes us stop and reflect: Why do we so often choose kindness for strangers but not for the people we claim to love most ❓

That’s a cognitive bypass at work. Instead of me standing in the pulpit saying, “We often treat strangers better than family,” which might trigger defensiveness, the story slips past our mental shortcuts. It bypasses the bias of self-justification and lets us see the truth for ourselves.

The goal is to help our audience see clearly ✅ - and once they see clearly, the Spirit can do the work of transformation ✨ that no amount of direct argument could accomplish.

 Try This in Your Sermon Prep ✍️

As you prepare your next preaching, try this simple exercise:

1️⃣ List the problem statements you want to highlight in single sentences. (For ex: We don’t prioritize God. We are slow to obey.)

2️⃣ List common incidents your audience experiences.  (For ex: Morning rush)

3️⃣ Think of a story that can let people see themselves in the problem 📖

💡 Allow it to simmer in your mind. Be observant in everyday life 👀. Notice the stories hidden in ordinary moments. This practice will not only enrich your sermons but also train you to see God’s truth at work in the world around you 🌍.

In Part 3, we’ll look at another of Jesus’s methods: how He used contrast with the familiar (“You have heard it said… but I say to you”) to break through old thinking and anchor people in God’s truth.

Why Preachers Should Care About Cognitive Biases – Part 1

 Many faithful preachers hold to a conviction: “The truth is enough. Preach the Word faithfully.”

This conviction flows from a deep reverence for Scripture and a right belief that transformation is the Spirit’s work, not ours. That’s noble. That’s beautiful. And it reflects humility before the sovereignty of God.

But here’s the hard part. That same conviction can sometimes lead to sermons that speak truth but don’t stick. Doctrinally precise, heartfelt, hermeneutically sound,  Spirit-trusting sermons… evaporating from memory before people even step out of the building.

Why? Not because the truth is weak. Not because the Spirit is absent. But because the human mind is flooded with distraction, forgetfulness, and competing voices that know how to grip attention.

And here’s the uncomfortable contrast:

False preachers, cult leaders, political demagogues, even marketing executives — they study how people think. They use memory, story, repetition, emotion, and social influence to lodge their half-truths and lies into human hearts. 

Their messages stick not only because it is what their ears itch to hear, but also because they’re designed to be unforgettable.

So we have to ask:

• If deceivers are so intentional, can truth-tellers afford to be careless?

• If God has designed human minds in a certain way, are we being good stewards of the gospel if we ignore that design?

The answer is not to copy manipulation. The answer is stewardship.

Think of money. In one person’s hands, it funds corruption. In another’s hands, it feeds the hungry and builds hospitals. The tool is neutral. Its purpose gives it meaning.

The same with psychology. Used for self-promotion, it manipulates. Used for truth-telling, it honors the hearer — it makes sure the seed of God’s Word falls on ground where it can take root. It’s not about performance. It’s about faithfulness.

That’s why I want to write about some of these tools. Not to make sermons flashy, but to make them memorable. Not to replace the Spirit’s work, but to serve it.

I am not a psychologist, nor do I claim to be a master communicator. I am simply someone who has prayed, wrestled, and brooded over this tension for a long long time: how to keep truth from slipping through our mind.

Titus 2:7–8 says: “In your teaching show integrity, seriousness, and soundness of speech, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.”

I only want to illuminate this small phrase: soundness of speech. Because truth deserves not only to be preached — but to be preached well. 

My Tears

 My Tears

I was travelling by bike, and a grain of sand found its way inside my right eye. Almost immediately, my eyelashes began to blink reflexively to prevent further dirt from entering the eyes.

The lacrimal tear glands in my eye gushed water, the mucous glands in the conjunctiva produced mucus, and lipid glands in the eyelid margin produced an oil. The mucus and oil mix with the watery portion of the tears to create a more protective tear film.

My son was on my lap, and my left hand gripped him tightly. The glands worked together to bath my eyes with the salty tears. Moreover, I believe that the antibodies in tears helped to prevent further infection.

My right hand was holding on to the handle on the bike seat. And almost immediately it gripped even tighter. My nose twitched, and the cheek muscles pushed the lower eyelid upwards to squeeze the dirt out.

My forehead stroked itself on my husband’s back to comfort the strained eye muscles. Slowly, my eyelid started batting continuously, and to my relief, the dirt was finally thrown out. The tears stopped, the grip loosened, and I told my husband what just happened.

I wish I knew how many nervous commands had to be passed to the so many different organs and glands in my body to be able to get this job done.

What if I had to think and give commands to each of these functions? What if they didn’t function? I would have resulted in a cornea abrasion resulting in some eye damage, and probably even lost the grip on my son who would have had a fatal fall from a moving bike.

This little incident made me wonder; maybe this is why Christ called the Church as His body?

Each component was working with coordination, solving problems, doing its job, not asserting importance, not asking for recognition, for the common good of protecting my life. Such a perfect unison, each one’s function is so unique, and yet each one is so loyal to me. When the eye hurt, help from every organ pitched in, no backbiting, no personal complaints. It was everyone's cooperative effort.

For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. 1 Corinthians 12:12

If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together. 1 Corinthians 12:26

How great is God that he created an excellent model within each one to show us every day how to function as His body. Maybe that is why We are created in His Image.

Seeshan's Graduation

 My son's kindergarten graduation is today and they are conferring on him the title of Masters of Kindergarten. Such a lavish ceremony is planned (which in my opinion is a waste of money) and cute children adorn a cap, a tassel, a gown and a kindergarten diploma.

My son argues that he does not want to hold the diploma roll rather he wants to hold a helicopter. He is a shy guy and he asks, why he must dress up as a clown and let everyone stare him down.

As he talks in his mazhalai accent, I imagine a future where he would graduate from a prestigious college and be shy to give me a hug. I am a south Indian mother after all.

A famous stand-up comedian whose name I don't remember said, "We, south Indians are so obsessed about degrees that even our coffee is called degree coffee."

I reflect on my own life today. I longed to be a surgeon and spent my school life working hard, I learned to be an engineer and also got a degree in business. Then, I worked with software products.

And today, I am a church worker, and an educator and use the rest of the time learning technology, and writing.

Do my degrees help me constantly reinvent myself to adapt to the changing world? I don't know. I am a perpetual learner but I am not sure if my degrees helped me get there.

I believe in the power of education to make rational decisions and improve the quality of life. However, I have also seen uneducated people making excellent life decisions and triple degree folks wasting away their life. But I also understand that those are complex problems that cannot be solved by education alone.

My dream for my children (the ones I birthed and the ones I teach) is that they will solve the problems in the world. With or without a degree. As an educator, that is the kind of tools that I want to give them. Problem solvers, change-makers - that is the kind of title I want to confer on them.

All the best da Seeshan.

Nostalgia Vacation

 When we were children, our father took us almost every year on a trip to his native village Jayapuram in North Arcot District - Thirupattur. We lived most of our lives in Dubai and we always looked forward to great summer vacation in Chennai.

But My father never missed taking us to Jayapuram. Back home in Dubai, daddy was a home bird. Now, he would plan trips, to his neighbour's homes, his childhood picnic spots, the wells that he jumped in to swim, the family church. and so many other places inside the small maybe 200 families large village.

We were surrounded by excellent people, but it was a primitive home. We had idly and kadalai (peanut) chutney for breakfast, natu kozhi (country chicken) kulambu for lunch and kali and kadalai chutney for dinner. Daddy would relish the food like it was the best in the world.

Daddy would transform into a keen churchgoer in his home church, making sure we are there on time. There would hardly be 10 people in the church mostly from the neighbouring village. But we could see Daddy sing in the church, participate in the reading of the scriptures, and become a keen worshipper.

He would fondly remember his grandfather Chinniah whose name he took after and talk about how his family and another person (who never married) were the only converts to Christianity in the entire village.

I can't speak for Annie Deborah, however, even though I enjoyed most part of the vacation in Chennai. I never liked this trip to daddy's boring village. Nothing happening happened here. I longed to eat food from a multi-cuisine restaurant, sleep with air conditioning and do fun stuff. Accompanying Daddy's walk to nostalgia was not very fun for me. But we did it anyway.

Now the 34 and a half-year-old me became just like daddy. My kids wanted to go to the exciting places in Dubai - the happening towers, and gardens and malls. But I wanted to go to my usuals, and linger around the old boring Dubai. I wanted to eat in our usual places - Pakistani, Keralite and Iranian food places, visit my childhood home, and school, go to all the church services and be around some of the people whom I knew as a child.

I kept looking for the Al shindagha tunnel which was the first manmade wonder in Dubai before all the skyscrapers and manmade islands. It is the only underwater road crossing the Dubai Creek. We had many fun conversations and difficult days as we crossed that road. I was elated beyond measure to find the tunnel and was surprised to read a signboard that said, "Historical Shindaga (namaku avalavu vayasu aayidicha!)

But my children were fascinated by the Infinity bridge that towered above it. But I didn't care. Shindagha tunnel refreshed my heart.

Then I realised that the pleasure of exotic destination tours cannot match the therapeutic effect of nostalgic vacations.

With a changed heart, now, I want to make a trip to Jayapuram.

Solitary Grief

 As May 2022 moves on, the pain and darkness of May 2021 grips us. So many lost parts of their souls. Many survive with a hole in the heart. And live emptiness that is deep and cannot ever be filled.

One of my second grader's mother tells me, "I get a panic attack every time I hear an ambulance. I was so strong when he was in the ICU, and when he died, I was too tired to cry. I miss him so much, I never said goodbye and never gave him a send-off worthy of the life that we lived together." I held the phone silently, as she cried and wailed. I could not cry, nor could I say anything to comfort. I just stayed on the phone line.

It was then I realised that grief is a solitary journey. We think we can support the other, but the truth is that no one can bear the burden of another's grief. They may cry with you but they walk alone. Their longings are hidden, everything around them makes them sigh with a painful memory of the past. We cannot feel that pain no matter how empathetic we may try to be.

Praying that those of us experience God's comfort in the deepest places of loss and grief.